Self-Harm and... Tattoos?

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Self-Harm and... Tattoos?

Tattoos can be a way of reclaiming one’s agency and body, for those who have felt helpless or powerless. They can also be a way of allowing unconscious images to be seen, memorializing a person or event that’s important to you, or representing something symbolically that may not be easy to put directly into words. The skin is the largest organ in our body, and is the first point of contact with the outside world. To mark it with something that is meaningful is a powerful way of taking up space and being recognized in a world that often seeks to devalue difference.

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Building Resilience Through Our Grief

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Building Resilience Through Our Grief

Grief is everywhere right now. Mass attacks across the globe. Black men being shot for complying with police, Black men being shot for not complying. White people waking up to unjust systems, having been asleep at the wheel for generations.

A lot of us don't make room for processing our grief. We want to - or are taught to - keep it away, sweep it under the rug, or stuff it down. We're taught, and believe, that being vulnerable is a sign of weakness, and weakness will make us susceptible to more pain and sorrow.

But putting our grief front-and-center, we can learn to heal, grow, and build resilience through our pain, collectively and individually.

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Love Through This: Love, Anger, Grief, and Heartbreak for Queer Lives of Color

/ Molly Merson, MFT/
Love Through This: Love, Anger, Grief, and Heartbreak for Queer Lives of Color

If you are in mourning, if your heart is broken, if you are sad and terrified and furious and wounded by the mass shooting of black and brown LGBQ and trans people at Pulse Nightclub in Florida this past weekend, this is for you.

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Dead Mothers Club: A Series

/ Molly Merson, MFT- Psychotherapist/
Dead Mothers Club: A Series

We keep our mothers alive inside us, even when they have died.

My first installment in the series, and an introduction to my theory of grief: The Mourning After: Grief After Mother's Day, in Psyched in San Francisco online magazine

The second installment, with interviews from a number of people whose mothers have died: Resurrecting Our Dead Mothers in the Huffington Post

Your mother's death - either by neglect, abandonment, or physical death - may be a contributor to your current distress. I have years of experience working with people whose mothers have died, and not all of these relationships were positive. If you are interested in exploring your relationship with your mother and how her death has shaped your life, I am uniquely qualified to help you name and explore your relationship to your mother, and to assist your mourning process.

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All lives can matter when Black lives matter.

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All lives can matter when Black lives matter.

Community building is a way of imagining life as something different than the injustice we see, beyond what we take for granted in front of us, and to enhance a vision for a more interconnected world. Psychotherapy is about growing the capacity to imagine your life as something different, undo trauma that keeps us afraid, and grow the way we participate in and connect with community. Psychotherapy can help you unpack your terror and anxiety about racism, privilege, trauma, injustice, and the unconscious perpetuation of a system that values some lives above others.

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When Shit Gets Hard

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When Shit Gets Hard

Shit gets hard.

I don't think words can truly express what it feels like when shit gets hard. Sometimes it comes and goes, and sometimes it lingers on. This is for you to read when you're not feeling okay.

A few things first:

Please eat, right now, if you haven't in the last few hours.
Please drink water.
Have a treat.
Find something snuggly to wear or get under the covers (if you're not there already).

Thank you. I know those were probably really hard to do. If you need to stop here, that's okay.

If you want to keep reading, I have some affirmations to share with you:

 

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Boundaries: Saying No in order to say Yes... to yourself!

/ Molly Merson, MFT, Berkeley Psychotherapist/
Boundaries: Saying No in order to say Yes... to yourself!

You're exhausted and drained, trying to keep up with the demands (real or perceived) of friends, family, work, and your inner drive. You long for more freedom, more space to think and relax, but it feels like the world is an unrelenting cascade of needs from other people.

You need help in saying "No".

Seriously. You really don't have to say Yes to everything!

But maybe it feels that way. Maybe it really feels like if you say no to something, you'll be cutting off a relationship, or disappointing someone, or enacting an aggressive and resentful part of yourself that really... doesn't want to have to perform.

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Toward Social Justice, Through Therapy

/ Molly Merson, MFT/
Toward Social Justice, Through Therapy

What if we could all become more aware of the ways our unconscious biases influence the lives and livelihoods of other people and ourselves? The ways our unconscious perceptions and beliefs uphold systems that hurt some people while protecting others? That hurt some parts of ourselves while protecting other parts? Would we want to know? Would we want to be open to what it might take to change?

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Looking behind, looking ahead.

/ Molly Merson, MFT/
Looking behind, looking ahead.

The new year explodes with expectation, hope, pain and regret, and wishes for the future- a chance to "erase" the problems of our past year and move on. But without making space for reflection and an honest look at our accomplishments and mistakes, we can become prisoners to our own rigid expectations.

There are ways to remain focused, yet flexible.

You can turn your attention to what you already love about yourself, and want to love more about yourself. This doesn't mean ignoring your pain, but it does mean making room for all of you.

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